March Crapness: Second Round (March 29)

The Second Round rolls on with some more great pairings.


[EDITOR'S NOTE:  We'll be using Google for the polls. You may notice that you can vote multiple times. DON'T DO THIS. We get a log of all vote and WILL NOT COUNT ANY VOTES WHERE YOU'VE STUFFED THE BALLOT BOXES (even though we live near Chicago).]

Go to the March Crapness tab for the full rundown, up-to-date bracket and schedule.

Read the introduction to March Crapness here.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for updates. Tweet about March Crapness using the hashtag #crapness.

[Extra-special thanks to Murilee Martin for assisting with many of the photos. All photos as credited.]



TRASHED TRANNY REGION:
Tetanus Racing (11) vs. Geo Metro Gnome (14)

Tetanus Racing - Dodge Neon, Porsche 944

Chris Champion and Mary Harris--Tetanus Racing's perpetrators--have driven in something like 40 races between them, including several successful ventures with the Tetanus cars and numerous arrive-and-drives all over the country. They even renewed their vows at the 2012 race at Road America. (Murilee Martin photo)

Tetanus Racing's original Dodge Neon is in fairly close competition with the Keystone Kops' Volvo, the Schumacher Taxi Service CoROLLa and a handful of California cars for most-campaigned. They've yet to podium, but the husband-wife team of Chris Champion and Mary Harris hold the team's till with a steady hand. And they're highly entertaining people to boot. They've suffered through the predictable maladies of the Porsche 944 and eventually given up on the stock motor, which only had some snake eggs in it when they took ownership of it.

Resume: LeMons - 4 Top Tens, 1 Class B Win

First Round: def. Speedycop and His Gang of Outlaws 58-49


Geo Metro Gnome - Geo Metro

Between the its skilled garage build, some entertaining video editing and a number of race wins, the Metro Gnome quickly earned its place as one of the most respected crapcans in both series. (Murilee Martin photo)

Alex Vendler's mad creation is one of the most insanely fast crapcans in existence. The formula is a derivative of Graham Chapman's philosophy (That's the right guy, no?): Take a super-light Geo Metro chassis, add a small-but-powerful Honda CBR motorcycle engine, go like hell. Sounds crazy, but a pile of race wins from both series say it ain't that crazy.

Resume: ChumpCar - 2 Overall Wins, 4 Top Tens; LeMons - 2 Overall Wins, 6 Top Tens

First Round: def. Blitzen Benz 21-10





WRECKED ROD REGION: 
Team Bear Patrol (6) vs. Tubby Butterman Racing (14)

Team Bear Patrol -Lexus SC400

Team Bear Patrol's Lexus SC400 poses for an opportunistic photo at Iowa Speedway, displaying its battle-scarred hide and a terrific theme based on of the countless points of plot-twisting minutiae from a Simpsons episode. (Greg Brawley photo)

For us at The Rusty Hub, one of our favorite aspects of crapcan racing is luxury marquees with little-to-no track pedigree dicing on the track with sports cars. Team Bear Patrol's Lexus SC400 is one such crapheap, a battered and ugly V8-powered, slushboxed personal luxury coupe. In addition to a great theme, Bear Patrol have managed to throw their SC400 at the Bimmer-heavy ChumpCar Central region with solid results and minimal collateral damage. This could very well become the first Lexus with an overall win in 2013.


Resume: ChumpCar - 4 Top Tens

First Round: def. Rolling Chicane Limo Service 48-39


Tubby Butterman Racing - BMW E36

Tubby Butterman Racing's BMW E36 hangs near the top of ChumpCar's illustrious ranks, having won six races and only come up with two DNFs in more than 15 races. With six overall wins, they sit only one behind Eyesore Racing for the most crapcan victories. (Alex Bellus photo)

Tubby's E36 is consistent, fast, and reliable in ChumpCar's very competitive Central Region. And it's hard not to find them endearing when team members post gems on the ChumpCar forums like "My last Ford was a 1978 LTD, leaf green with a leaf green vinyl roof with leaf green cloth interior.  It was like the Jolly Green Giant got his car pimped...it wasn't a car you sold but ghosted into a pond or quarry while thowing [sic] empties at it." We know exactly what Tubby means, strangely, and most crapcan enthusiasts probably do, too. Also, the phrase "Tubby Butterman" makes us laugh every time we say it aloud.

Resume: ChumpCar - 6 Overall Win, 14 Top Tens
First Round: def. Spank 35-21

SHEARED SHAFT REGION:
NSF Racing (7) vs. MR2 Biohazard (10)

NSF Racing - Plymouth Fury, Plymouth Barracuda, Mercedes 170, Mercedes 6.9, Dodge Aries, Honda CRX, Chrysler Saratoga...Basically, all the other cars

NSF Racing loves the old Mopar and their decrepit Plymouth Fury limped its way to an Index of Effluency and occasionally to the LeMons Penalty Box, mostly for the car itself just being dangerous. (Murilee Martin photo)

NSF remind us that, like YouTube, LeMons has a weird section that people periodically stumble into. NSF started out innocently with some econoboxes before diving headfirst into that aforementioned weird part. Characteristics of NSF entries may include (but are not limited to): decrepit, obscure, dangerous, awesome and on fire. Maybe the most impressive initiative on their very long resume is passing on their K-Car wagon in a sort of Sisterhood of the Traveling Fails manner...not that we've read that book or cried at seen the movie or anything.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Class Wins, 2 Indexes of Effluency
First Round: def. Nutjob Racing 43-10


MR2 Biohazard -Toyota MR2

One might think that the V6-swapped MR2 Biohazard fixes all of the well-known problems the MR2 faces in crapcan racing, but it mostly just creates a whole new set of ones while allowing the car to go much, much faster. (Murilee Martin photo)

On paper, the Toyota MR2 is a perfect endurance racer, but under the duress of endurance racing, the type's lightness and handling prowess typically take a back seat to cooling issues and the inevitable 4A-GE head gasket meltdown. MR2 madman Troy Truglio has found at least a partial way around that by swapping a Toyota V6 into his second-generation MR2. Coupled with some fantastic-looking and actually functional homemade aero, the Biohazard MR2 is a shoe-in to set fastest lap...and also to be coming apart at the seams by the race's end. Still, the MR2 has performed well, particularly at Road Atlanta, with a win and a very close runner-up finish in the last year.

Resume: ChumpCar - 1 Overall Win, 8 Top Tens
First Round: def. Jacky Ickx GT30 28-11




CRACKED CRANK REGION:
SHOtime/Red Rocket Ratnest Revival (6) vs. Schumacher Taxi Service (3)

SHOtime/RRRR - Ford Taurus SHOs

Each of the Ford Taurus SHOs pictured was pretty much an even-money bet to finish at the top or to blow up after 15 laps. Still, the SHOtime crew ran away with the 2011 LeMons National Championship. (Murilee Martin photo)

Led by Sergio Perfetti's Red Rocket Ratnest Revival Ford Taurus SHO, the Texas SHO Mafia absolutely owned the 2011 LeMons season in the Gulf not only by running up to six SHOs in a single race but also by putting several of the high-revving Fords at or near the top of the standings. This is no small feat with the SHO, which is renowned for being fast-but-fragile. Through the life of these cars, the Mafia likely exhausted the supply of SHO transmissions in Texas.

Resume: LeMons - 3 Overall Wins, 16 Top Tens; 2011 LeMons National Champions

First Round: def. Latch-Key Kids 28-19


Schumacher Taxi Service -Toyota CoROLLa, Toyota MR2, Chevy Citation X-11, BMW E30, Mazda Miata, Ford Crown Victoria

Schumacher Taxi Service retired the venerable CoROLLa at the end of the 2012 season after more races than we can count, a minor rollover, a handful of liveries, an overall win and a hell of a lot of fun. They'll carry on racing with an E30 and Mustang in 2013. (Murilee Martin photo)

 Schumacher Taxi Service's original CoROLLa FX16 recently entered retirement after well more than a dozen crapcan races (probably more like 20), including a race win at Sebring in ChumpCar. In addition, the team has raced all over the eastern half of the country entering whatever they can get their hands on: a Miata, an MR2, an E30, a skeletal Crown Victoria and a brake-fire-tastic Citation X-11. The length and breadth of their crapcan experience defies brevity and reason, but the Schumacher crew(s) are a staple of  both crapcan series.

Resume: ChumpCar - 1 Overall Win, 7 Top Tens; LeMons - 5 Top Tens, 1 Index of Effluency
First Round: def. Ferdinand... 21-8