March Crapness: First Round, 4 vs. 13 (March 21)

EDITOR'S NOTE: THE POLLS HAVE BEEN FIXED. WE'LL BE USING GOOGLE FOR THE POLLS FROM NOW ON. SOME OF YOU MAY NOTICE THAT YOU CAN VOTE MULTIPLE TIMES. DON'T DO THIS. WE GET A LOG OF ALL THE VOTES AND WILL NOT COUNT ANY VOTES WHERE YOU'VE STUFFED THE BALLOT BOXES, EVEN IF WE DO LIVE NEAR CHICAGO.

Today sees the 4 vs. 13 seeds, which includes some great homebuilds and some aging iron.

Go to the March Crapness tab for the full rundown, up-to-date bracket and schedule.

Read the introduction to March Crapness here.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter for updates. Tweet about March Crapness using the hashtag #crapness.

[Extra-special thanks to Murilee Martin for assisting with many of the photos. All photos as credited.]



TRASHED TRANNY REGION:
Team Tinyvette (4) vs. Stick Figure/Bender Racing (13)


Team Tinyvette -Opel GT

The Class C powerhouse Tinyvette absolutely looks fast and its obsessively overkill operators even ran aerodynamic simulations comparing their heap to a stock Opel GT. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team Tinyvette's working 3:5 scale model of Pratt and Miller's famous Compuware Corvette has earned its keep by winning Index of Effluency and capturing two Class C wins. It also became the first LeMons car to run at Bonneville Speed Week. In their spare time, the Tinyvette's owners have written overwrought race analysis, put the Opel on exhibit at the California Auto Museum, daydreamed about entering 11 Opel GTs in one race and created a mini-meme.


Resume: LeMons - 2 Class C Wins, 1 Index of Effluency


Stick Figure Racing - Toyota MR2, Toyota MRolla, Toyota FX32

The MRolla very closely resembles a stock Toyota MR2, until you notice the air homemade air intakes for the rear-mounted radiators and then see what the cabin looks like. (Murilee Martin photo)

Take one 4AGE-powered Corolla GT-S and one 4AGE-powered MR2. Join in the middle with some welding and willpower. Have an all-wheel drive crapcan that will outlast most EJ-powered Subarus and prove vast numbers of Internet car-guy skeptics wrong. When boredom sets in, make another. Replace the GT-S with FX-16 to taste.

Resume: It's two half-cars welded together with an engine at each end. And then it's another set of two half-cars welded together with an engine at each end.






WRECKED ROD REGION: 
BoomPowSurprise (4) vs. Angry Hamsters (13)

BoomPowSurprise - Ford Probe

BoomPowSurprise added some lightness by hacking the top off their Probe GT. Later iterations of the car feature some metalwork that, with a bit of squinting, resembles a sportscar prototype. (Murilee Martin photo)

It's easy to win crapcan races with a professional endurance racing background, right? (Just ask Emanuele Pirro.) BoomPowSurprise--built by employees of some race car something or other--have raced a hacked-up Ford Probe GT in both series. It's held together remarkably well, winning races at many of America's premium road courses while occasionally failing in spectacular fashion.

Resume: LeMons - 1 Overall Win, 2 Top Tens; ChumpCar - 4 Overall Wins, 6 Top Tens


Angry Hamsters - Honda Z600 

The pint-size Z600, powered by a banshee-wailing Honda CBR motor, represents one of the more ambitious garage engineering endeavors in crapcan racing. (Murilee Martin photo)

Born in the spirit of the Geo Metro Gnome, the Angry Hamsters' mid-engine, bike-powered Z600 is a creation of garage engineering that produces ear-shredding noise and backbreaking acceleration. It hasn't won any races, but this car's mere existence is winning. The Z600 possesses an extraordinary amount of customized parts and is apparently an absolute hoot to drive, though tall curbs can present a bit of a challenge.

Resume: A legacy of hearing impairment and soiled SFI suits





SHEARED SHAFT REGION:
Launcha Splatos (4) vs. Mopar 4 Life (13)

Launcha Splatos - Fiat X1/9

It took several spin-filled races before the Splatos to live up to the potential promised by 190 horsepower and a curb weight under a ton, but the homebuilt homage to Italian rallyin' is something of a crapcan supercar. (The Rusty Hub photo)

Any build that involves copious amounts of plywood are OK with us, especially when the other components include an Alfa Romeo V6. After a few races' worth of tuning, this sharp little homage to a classic Italian rally machine pulled off a win in LeMons at Road America.


Resume: LeMons - 1 Overall Win, 1 Top Ten


Mopar 4 Life -Dodge Neon

The amibitious Chrysler loyalists of Mopar 4 life have lived the familiar life cycle for many crapcan teams: Early struggles for a handful of races and then sustained success. (Mopar 4 Life photo)

Mopar 4 Life races in the Midwest and in Canada, where Neons are aplenty. The team have lived the experience that so many crapcan teams can attest to: They finished dead last in their first race and were pretty miserable for a year or so. But once they found their stride, they've been virtually impossible to keep off the podium. The team's YouTube channel has provided us with hours of entertainment, even if they sometimes make crapcan racing appear a little more epic than it really is.

Resume: ChumpCar - 3 Overall Wins, 11 Top Tens

CRACKED CRANK REGION:
Tunachuckers (4) vs. Team Infiniti (13)

Tunachuckers -Volvo Amazon, Ford LTD

Does the oil rig pump oil to or from the engine? And where does it go to/come from? The Tunachuckers confuse us, but they also entertain us. (Murilee Martin photo)

South Carolina's Tunachuckers took Robin Bank's Scandinavian ethos a step farther: Saabs 900s are too modern for the 'chuckers; they preferred a Volvo Amazon. And once they killed that (for good; it failed at dying at least once), they ditched it for a land-yacht-caliber, two-E30s-wide, mid-1970s Ford LTD. Because torque. They're also renowned for extraordinary feats of paddock transportation and LeMons-caliber fabrication.

Resume: LeMons - 2 Indexes of Effluency


Team Infiniti - Infiniti J30

Team Infiniti--formerly Team Megalodon--raced into the night and into the Top Ten at the LeMons' season-ender at Palm Beach International on New Years' Eve 2010. (Murilee Martin photo)

Team Infiniti campaign a slushbox-equipped J30 and we love this streamlined Japanese luxury cars that looks so terrific wallowing around the track like a Chester white on a whiskey-and-speed binge, out of sorts to look at but surprisingly in control and ready to mince the unsuspecting. What happened? I blacked out from enthusiasm. Anyway, Infinitis rule and this is the only one to have ever won a race, taking a win at New Orleans in February 2012.

Resume: ChumpCar - 1 Overall Win, 7 Top Tens; LeMons - 1 Top Ten